Advantage

I've been ruminating on privilege, or advantage if you prefer, for a few years now. I have lots of it. I wrote the following in 2017, and some things have changed. I now have a progressive, invisible illness which has affected my ability to function. I have a child, a beautiful, clever mighty girl. I want to be a better mom to her. That means knowing what advantages I've had, and making sure she grows up aware of them as well. Aware of the dangers and inequalities that others face every day. Aware she can change the future.

The fact is that I am very privileged. Also fact is that I am not better than anyone else. I did not do anything to earn most of my privileges.
I was raised in an upper middle class home. I’m of exclusively Western European descent, very WASP-y. My parents will celebrate their 48th wedding anniversary next August. Between them, they have 5 college degrees. They waited 14 years to have children because they felt that they weren’t financially stable enough to support children. As a result, I grew up without the fear that we didn’t have enough money for food or bills. It never occurred to me. I have always known that they love my brother and me. We were never mistreated or abused by our parents. I have always had health care, through my parents and through my husband. My only chronic health condition is clinical depression, which was diagnosed 20 years ago and has been reasonably controlled with medication for the last 15 years. For me, it is truly a chemical imbalance (triggered by puberty? who knows) in my brain that means I will most likely be taking my medication for the rest of my life. I had the HPV vaccine before I became sexually active. I have always had access to excellent health care. When I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks, I had care. When I found out I was carrying a blighted ovum (a fertilized egg with no genetic material), I had options, and miscarried at 11 weeks without intervention. I was not forced to have a funeral for the tissue that would never have become a baby.
I have traveled to 35 states, 1 US territory, and 9 countries on 4 continents, mostly with my family. Both of my parents have traveled to all 50 states. Travel is valued as a form of education in my family, and when I had opportunities through school or church, my parents paid for my travel, or let me use my “college” fund.
I have no student debt because my parents were willing and able to pay for my three years of college.
I’m straight and cisgender, very happily married to my husband of 8 years. I have never questioned my gender identity or sexuality.
I have never been the victim of sexual assault, nor have I ever to my knowledge witnessed a sexual assault. I find it horrible that this is one of my privileges. Everyone should be so privileged.
I have extraordinary privilege. I did nothing to deserve my parents, I am just lucky enough to be their child. I did nothing to be straight and cisgender, I am just lucky that my genetic makeup is what it is. Similarly, I did nothing to have this skin color. It does NOT make me inherently better or smarter or more worthy. It is simply evidence that my ancestors lived somewhere that had limited sunlight. They evolved light skin so to better absorb vitamin D. (Why yes, I was an anthropology major for two years, how did you know?)
My point is that I try to be aware of my privileges, and to acknowledge that I’m not really anything special because of them. I’m not special because I’m white, any more than I’m special because I have Type A + blood. This does not dismiss hard work and effort, but we all have advantages in this world, whether or not we recognize them. Some of us have more than others due to tradition, societal norms and expectations, racism, sexism, and other biases. It is often too easy for us to assume that our experiences are the norm, because that’s human nature. It is the challenge to step outside that norm, and examine and compare our experiences that is so important. Just because I have not experienced sexual assault doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Just because I have not experienced racism doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Just because I have never questioned my gender and sexuality doesn’t mean that others haven’t.
Please think about your life, and your privileges. They are real. We all have them. Most of them are things we have no control over, or that we didn’t work for. That means that if you are not privileged in one of the ways that I am, you did NOTHING to earn or deserve that lack or privilege. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE OR EARN RACISM, SEXISM, OR ANY DISCRIMINATION. Nothing.