Parenting is hard. I knew it would be, was expecting it to be, but it is still incredibly hard. There were times that first month I wondered why we thought we wanted a child. Why did we think we could adapt to this and handle the mental and physical exhaustion, the strain on our relationship, and the new demands on our time? And that's completely separate from my being pregnant, and the upheavals that resulted. AND I had an easy pregnancy. AND we have a sweet, mellow baby who is very nice to us and actually sleeps. Clearly we're insane.
Let this be a caution and my unsolicited advice to anyone considering having a baby, anyone not sure if they want to have kids, or anyone being pressured to have children when they don't really want to.
For the first two: really think about it. Talk it over with your partner until you're repeating yourselves. Discuss the same things over and over again. Seriously, my husband and I have talked over our ideas on child-rearing ad nauseum for more than ten years. Discuss your game plan for every stage of your child's life, then throw that out the window because your kid doesn't care about your plans. Our girl was born on the first day of classes, perhaps Andy's busiest day of the entire year. Oh, you want to be on time to work, your doctor's appointment, or this family event? No. You will never or rarely be on time again.Get ready to call everyone ahead to let them know that you're running late. Let it go. Remember your plans, but be prepared to ignore them.
Really think about your reasons. Why do you want a child? Babies are adorable, but they grow up. Annoying toddlers always asking why and saying no; children with homework and projects and bake sales who need your immediate attention; teenagers (shudder). Someday, my sweet girl will tell me she hates me, and wishes Lindsey or Thalia was her mommy.
For the last person, if you don't want children, don't have them. Do not let anyone try to talk you into it for any reason. If your partner or parent is trying to convince you that you do want children, do not give in until or unless you decide and are sure that YOU want children. Don't do it just to make your partner or parent happy. Don't get pregnant (or adopt) to try to mend a strained or broken relationship. Every child deserves to be wanted and loved for themselves, not as a white flag or bandage. They do not deserve the responsibility of fixing your relationship with your parents or your partner, or yourself! Your child will not be an extension of yourself that you can control or manipulate. Each kidlet is their own independent person who is going to thwart your expectations and constantly surprise you, hopefully in wonderful ways.
That's why I wanted a child. I wanted to know what kind of amazing person Andy and I could begin to create. Now let's hope that our beautiful experiment doesn't explode in our faces. Unlike diapers.
Thursday, November 9, 2017
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
This Republic of Suffering
First of all, the title is stolen from Drew Gilpin Faust's excellent book This Republic of Suffering: Death and the American Civil War. There was also a documentary based on the book on Netflix a few years back, which I also recommend.
Anyway, yes! It's time for a history blog! I've been thinking about American Civil War history for awhile now, and how it's being interpreted. I'm not an expert by any means, so please consider this post a summary and a compass to point you towards more information.
As a sort of disclaimer, I don't have any records of direct ancestors of mine fighting in the war. My mother's side is entirely German (more on that later!) and the earliest arrival I can consistently source is my great-great grandfather John Harders, who arrived in New York in 1865. Various branches of my father's family arrived very early, in the 1630s, more arriving in the 1840s, and finally the Norwegians in the 1880s and 1905. My great-great-great grandfather Samuel Cotton apparently voted for Abraham Lincoln and was a Republican, but I haven't any service records for any ancestor on that side. None of my ancestors ever lived south of Pennsylvania, so as far as I know, no one in my family owned slaves after 1799, when slavery was restricted in New York. The point is that I have no Civil War heritage to defend or glorify.
The Civil War had such an incredible impact on America that it's hard for us to imagine the scope. Entire towns disappeared because so many men never came home. The concept of death changed dramatically, as argued by Gilpin Faust's book mentioned above. Before the war, families could plan on death, even sudden and accidental deaths, occurring close to or at home. A dying person could bid farewell to their loved ones and make their peace with God. This process was referred to as a "good death," a death where no unresolved issues are left behind and everyone can mourn without any doubts about whether or not the soul had safely arrived in heaven. After death, the family could spend time preparing the body for its final journey and enact the social rituals of mourning in their communities. Families knew where their dead were buried and could visit and tend to their graves personally.
War interrupted these rituals. This has always been true, but the scale of this conflict not only interrupted, it destroyed them, forcing Americans to create a new way of mourning. Graves could not be visited or tended if your husband, son, brother, father was buried in a trench somewhere in Tennessee, far away from your home in Maine or Mississippi. Records of mass graves or even individual graves were not well kept at the beginning of the war, and one of the extraordinary tasks Clara Barton took on was to track down missing men and report to their families, not finishing the project until 1869.
New kinds of memorials had to be created, especially for the Southerners. They had lost not only people, but an entire social structure had been dismantled.
Society in the South counted on the slaves being the very bottom. Many white Americans (including many abolitionists) believed that the black person was by nature inferior, less than human. It was certainly not their (the black peoples') fault, as God had made them this way. In the pro-slavery view belief, they had to be tamed, managed and taken care of by their betters (white people). The social order depended on the men managing the slaves (or managing the male overseers who managed the slaves on larger farms) and the women managing the home and children under the men's guiding hand. When a family didn't own slaves, they could still hope one day to be prosperous enough to buy a slave or two, thus climbing the economic ladder. Remember, slaves were property. When one has property, one is rich. When one is rich, one is important. All Southerners had to believe in this system for it to work.
Slight digression - I've often seen comparisons of African-American slavery to the treatment of white European immigrants, specifically the Irish. Here's the problem with that comparison: blacks in America were subject to what is called chattel slavery, a system whereby a human being is bought and owned by another human being. The slave has no personal rights or freedoms other than what his/her master allows in chattel slavery. Any child of that slave is also a slave, no matter the full parentage (i.e. when a white master had children by a black slave, those children were legally slaves unless the master freed them). Whites were more often subject to indentured service, a legal contract bonding one person in service to another. Say I lived in Ireland and wanted passage to America, but couldn't afford it-I could indenture myself as a servant to someone in exchange for passage and a set period of service, during which the original debt would be paid off in work. At the end of my indenture, I was free to go and do whatever. These terms were set in a legal document, a contract, held by the servant. Criminals were also transported as indentured servants as part of the punishment.
There is no comparison. Yes, many indentured servants were treated horribly, and that's very wrong. I am not minimizing their treatment and discrimination. But they were not owned. Their children were not owned. Their families were not separated by sale. They had legal recourse if the terms of the indenture were not met.
The South lost. Badly. The men who returned had often lost their livelihoods. The land was occupied territory. The towns and cities had been attacked and in some cases destroyed. It took years for the economy to partially recover, although in many ways the Southern economy has never recovered from the abolition of slavery. When the entire plantation system's success rests on the backs of slaves, it can't continue without them. Imagine removing the wheels from cars, then having to find a way to replace them. In the South, the Reconstruction years were years of hard choices and harsh truths for former slaves and slave owners alike. The social structure of the South didn't shift overnight - black people were still considered inferior, but white people no longer had direct control over black lives. The white people had to find and create new methods of keeping the old social order intact. Thus the Black Codes and Jim Crow laws, enforcing racial segregation and limiting rights and opportunities.
When anyone comes to the defense of a Confederate veteran (specifically Robert E. Lee these days) with "well, they didn't like slavery" or "they didn't own slaves, so they can't have been a bad person" they are ignoring an important point. Any man who fought for the Confederacy supported slavery. That was the whole point of fighting, to preserve their right to own slaves and maintain the economy and way of live. Anyone who starts saying "states rights" at this point should remember that the fight was about a state's right to allow and preserve slavery. We simply can't dodge the issue or hide it - the Civil War was fought over slavery.
The comparison recently made between Lee and Stonewall Jackson and Presidents Washington and Jefferson is ridiculous. All four of these men owned slaves. All four of these men were good people who accomplished good and great things. Only two of them fought in a war over slavery, on the side supporting slavery. Memorials to Washington remember him as a war-winning leader who created much of the presidency as we know it today. Jefferson is memorialized as a great writer and diplomat, a scientist and scholar who helped articulate our country's founding principles. Lee is not usually remembered as an accomplished member of the Army Corps of Engineers, he is honored as the leading general of the Confederacy. Jackson is not honored as a Mexican War veteran or a mediocre teacher: he is remembered as one of the most popular and iconic generals of the Confederacy.
All four of these men had documented mixed or negative feelings about slavery. There is no way of knowing how Washington and Jefferson would have reacted to the Civil War, but Lee and Jackson chose to fight for slavery. Their reasons are not the point: their reasons may have been admirable, but they still fought to preserve the inhumane institution. That is why their statues are coming down, why Confederate or pro-slavery related statues and memorials are being removed. It is not that these were bad men not worth remembering. It is not "taking away our history and culture" as Southerners. The reason is that SLAVERY WAS AND IS WRONG, and honoring it in any way is also WRONG. Antebellum culture is an important part of our nation's history, and that's where it belongs. In our past, not our present.
These monuments were created to remember and idealize a time when life was "better" in the South, a time before the world changed. They were created along with Jim Crow laws, and are associated therefore with limiting the rights and freedoms of American citizens. It is not at all surprising that these memorials are upsetting and offensive. Think about being a Jewish or Czech person walking past a statue of Reinhard Heydrich every day. This man, represented and remembered by this statue, murdered your people and suppressed your culture. How would you feel every time you looked at his face? How would you feel every time someone posed for a picture with his statue? That's how black people say they feel walking past statues of antebellum and Civil War figures or events.
In Trevor Noah's memoir Born a Crime (which you should read, it's awesome) he briefly compares how history is taught in Germany and Great Britain versus America and South Africa.
In Germany, the Holocaust is extensively taught, and there is no glorification or romanticization of Nazis. Today it is illegal to perform the Hitler salute. Mein Kampf, Hitler's famous book was only recently republished in Germany (2016).
It can be difficult to be a German-American sometimes. I remember first learning about the Holocaust at age 10 and being terribly ashamed that I was half-German (5/8ths, technically). There is a delicate balance between being proud of my German heritage and being aware of Germany's at times cruel legacy. This balance is easier for me since all of my German ancestors were in Minnesota or Wisconsin by 1886, but I still feel the stigma.
But the message we learn in school here as well as in Germany is that Germany was wrong in World War II. There are no monuments honoring Adolf Hitler or Reinhard Heydrich. There are memorials for their victims, honoring the people they hurt. No Jewish person has to walk past a marble monument to the Nuremberg Laws every day. The Nazi Party and its ideals of racial supremacy and purity were and are wrong.
We don't learn that about the Civil War in school here. At age 11, I remember learning about the gallant South, reading Gone With the Wind, and thinking that yes, slavery is bad and wrong, but not all slaves were treated badly. The white supremacy of the KKK was not dissected and condemned in detail that I can recall. (Another slight digression: white men, no one is replacing you. Shut up.) I don't really remember learning much about it, actually, until we were taught about the Civil Rights movement. The North was presented (to me at least) as industrious, efficient, and at times boring. As a class, we were told to pick sides and imagine what it was like. I chose the South, having some affection for the underdog and also preferring to not be conventional by picking the winner. I knew that slavery was inhumane and wrong. I had read about Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth and knew that slavery was cruel. But for some reason, idealizing the South was (and still is for some) irresistible.
I think one of the most important things to remember is that we don't get to decide if black people feel oppressed or offended. This is true of any situation, not just race relations. I don't get to tell you that you aren't being harassed or upset: you have a right to your feelings and I can't make them go away. If you are uncomfortable or in pain I can't stand in front of you and tell you that you're fine, get over it. The best I can do is respect those feelings, and listen to you. Shouting at each other, belittling each other, and ignoring each other won't change a damn thing. We have to talk and we have to listen.
Anyway, yes! It's time for a history blog! I've been thinking about American Civil War history for awhile now, and how it's being interpreted. I'm not an expert by any means, so please consider this post a summary and a compass to point you towards more information.
As a sort of disclaimer, I don't have any records of direct ancestors of mine fighting in the war. My mother's side is entirely German (more on that later!) and the earliest arrival I can consistently source is my great-great grandfather John Harders, who arrived in New York in 1865. Various branches of my father's family arrived very early, in the 1630s, more arriving in the 1840s, and finally the Norwegians in the 1880s and 1905. My great-great-great grandfather Samuel Cotton apparently voted for Abraham Lincoln and was a Republican, but I haven't any service records for any ancestor on that side. None of my ancestors ever lived south of Pennsylvania, so as far as I know, no one in my family owned slaves after 1799, when slavery was restricted in New York. The point is that I have no Civil War heritage to defend or glorify.
The Civil War had such an incredible impact on America that it's hard for us to imagine the scope. Entire towns disappeared because so many men never came home. The concept of death changed dramatically, as argued by Gilpin Faust's book mentioned above. Before the war, families could plan on death, even sudden and accidental deaths, occurring close to or at home. A dying person could bid farewell to their loved ones and make their peace with God. This process was referred to as a "good death," a death where no unresolved issues are left behind and everyone can mourn without any doubts about whether or not the soul had safely arrived in heaven. After death, the family could spend time preparing the body for its final journey and enact the social rituals of mourning in their communities. Families knew where their dead were buried and could visit and tend to their graves personally.
War interrupted these rituals. This has always been true, but the scale of this conflict not only interrupted, it destroyed them, forcing Americans to create a new way of mourning. Graves could not be visited or tended if your husband, son, brother, father was buried in a trench somewhere in Tennessee, far away from your home in Maine or Mississippi. Records of mass graves or even individual graves were not well kept at the beginning of the war, and one of the extraordinary tasks Clara Barton took on was to track down missing men and report to their families, not finishing the project until 1869.
New kinds of memorials had to be created, especially for the Southerners. They had lost not only people, but an entire social structure had been dismantled.
Society in the South counted on the slaves being the very bottom. Many white Americans (including many abolitionists) believed that the black person was by nature inferior, less than human. It was certainly not their (the black peoples') fault, as God had made them this way. In the pro-slavery view belief, they had to be tamed, managed and taken care of by their betters (white people). The social order depended on the men managing the slaves (or managing the male overseers who managed the slaves on larger farms) and the women managing the home and children under the men's guiding hand. When a family didn't own slaves, they could still hope one day to be prosperous enough to buy a slave or two, thus climbing the economic ladder. Remember, slaves were property. When one has property, one is rich. When one is rich, one is important. All Southerners had to believe in this system for it to work.
Slight digression - I've often seen comparisons of African-American slavery to the treatment of white European immigrants, specifically the Irish. Here's the problem with that comparison: blacks in America were subject to what is called chattel slavery, a system whereby a human being is bought and owned by another human being. The slave has no personal rights or freedoms other than what his/her master allows in chattel slavery. Any child of that slave is also a slave, no matter the full parentage (i.e. when a white master had children by a black slave, those children were legally slaves unless the master freed them). Whites were more often subject to indentured service, a legal contract bonding one person in service to another. Say I lived in Ireland and wanted passage to America, but couldn't afford it-I could indenture myself as a servant to someone in exchange for passage and a set period of service, during which the original debt would be paid off in work. At the end of my indenture, I was free to go and do whatever. These terms were set in a legal document, a contract, held by the servant. Criminals were also transported as indentured servants as part of the punishment.
There is no comparison. Yes, many indentured servants were treated horribly, and that's very wrong. I am not minimizing their treatment and discrimination. But they were not owned. Their children were not owned. Their families were not separated by sale. They had legal recourse if the terms of the indenture were not met.
The South lost. Badly. The men who returned had often lost their livelihoods. The land was occupied territory. The towns and cities had been attacked and in some cases destroyed. It took years for the economy to partially recover, although in many ways the Southern economy has never recovered from the abolition of slavery. When the entire plantation system's success rests on the backs of slaves, it can't continue without them. Imagine removing the wheels from cars, then having to find a way to replace them. In the South, the Reconstruction years were years of hard choices and harsh truths for former slaves and slave owners alike. The social structure of the South didn't shift overnight - black people were still considered inferior, but white people no longer had direct control over black lives. The white people had to find and create new methods of keeping the old social order intact. Thus the Black Codes and Jim Crow laws, enforcing racial segregation and limiting rights and opportunities.
When anyone comes to the defense of a Confederate veteran (specifically Robert E. Lee these days) with "well, they didn't like slavery" or "they didn't own slaves, so they can't have been a bad person" they are ignoring an important point. Any man who fought for the Confederacy supported slavery. That was the whole point of fighting, to preserve their right to own slaves and maintain the economy and way of live. Anyone who starts saying "states rights" at this point should remember that the fight was about a state's right to allow and preserve slavery. We simply can't dodge the issue or hide it - the Civil War was fought over slavery.
The comparison recently made between Lee and Stonewall Jackson and Presidents Washington and Jefferson is ridiculous. All four of these men owned slaves. All four of these men were good people who accomplished good and great things. Only two of them fought in a war over slavery, on the side supporting slavery. Memorials to Washington remember him as a war-winning leader who created much of the presidency as we know it today. Jefferson is memorialized as a great writer and diplomat, a scientist and scholar who helped articulate our country's founding principles. Lee is not usually remembered as an accomplished member of the Army Corps of Engineers, he is honored as the leading general of the Confederacy. Jackson is not honored as a Mexican War veteran or a mediocre teacher: he is remembered as one of the most popular and iconic generals of the Confederacy.
All four of these men had documented mixed or negative feelings about slavery. There is no way of knowing how Washington and Jefferson would have reacted to the Civil War, but Lee and Jackson chose to fight for slavery. Their reasons are not the point: their reasons may have been admirable, but they still fought to preserve the inhumane institution. That is why their statues are coming down, why Confederate or pro-slavery related statues and memorials are being removed. It is not that these were bad men not worth remembering. It is not "taking away our history and culture" as Southerners. The reason is that SLAVERY WAS AND IS WRONG, and honoring it in any way is also WRONG. Antebellum culture is an important part of our nation's history, and that's where it belongs. In our past, not our present.
These monuments were created to remember and idealize a time when life was "better" in the South, a time before the world changed. They were created along with Jim Crow laws, and are associated therefore with limiting the rights and freedoms of American citizens. It is not at all surprising that these memorials are upsetting and offensive. Think about being a Jewish or Czech person walking past a statue of Reinhard Heydrich every day. This man, represented and remembered by this statue, murdered your people and suppressed your culture. How would you feel every time you looked at his face? How would you feel every time someone posed for a picture with his statue? That's how black people say they feel walking past statues of antebellum and Civil War figures or events.
In Trevor Noah's memoir Born a Crime (which you should read, it's awesome) he briefly compares how history is taught in Germany and Great Britain versus America and South Africa.
In Germany, the Holocaust is extensively taught, and there is no glorification or romanticization of Nazis. Today it is illegal to perform the Hitler salute. Mein Kampf, Hitler's famous book was only recently republished in Germany (2016).
It can be difficult to be a German-American sometimes. I remember first learning about the Holocaust at age 10 and being terribly ashamed that I was half-German (5/8ths, technically). There is a delicate balance between being proud of my German heritage and being aware of Germany's at times cruel legacy. This balance is easier for me since all of my German ancestors were in Minnesota or Wisconsin by 1886, but I still feel the stigma.
But the message we learn in school here as well as in Germany is that Germany was wrong in World War II. There are no monuments honoring Adolf Hitler or Reinhard Heydrich. There are memorials for their victims, honoring the people they hurt. No Jewish person has to walk past a marble monument to the Nuremberg Laws every day. The Nazi Party and its ideals of racial supremacy and purity were and are wrong.
We don't learn that about the Civil War in school here. At age 11, I remember learning about the gallant South, reading Gone With the Wind, and thinking that yes, slavery is bad and wrong, but not all slaves were treated badly. The white supremacy of the KKK was not dissected and condemned in detail that I can recall. (Another slight digression: white men, no one is replacing you. Shut up.) I don't really remember learning much about it, actually, until we were taught about the Civil Rights movement. The North was presented (to me at least) as industrious, efficient, and at times boring. As a class, we were told to pick sides and imagine what it was like. I chose the South, having some affection for the underdog and also preferring to not be conventional by picking the winner. I knew that slavery was inhumane and wrong. I had read about Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth and knew that slavery was cruel. But for some reason, idealizing the South was (and still is for some) irresistible.
I think one of the most important things to remember is that we don't get to decide if black people feel oppressed or offended. This is true of any situation, not just race relations. I don't get to tell you that you aren't being harassed or upset: you have a right to your feelings and I can't make them go away. If you are uncomfortable or in pain I can't stand in front of you and tell you that you're fine, get over it. The best I can do is respect those feelings, and listen to you. Shouting at each other, belittling each other, and ignoring each other won't change a damn thing. We have to talk and we have to listen.
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Here's to the State of Donald Trump
So many thoughts and feelings these last few days. I should be working on thank you notes for my recent baby shower. I'm due to have my first child any day now, and writing these notes isn't going to get any easier once the baby's here. I've heard children can be quite time consuming. (That's a joke, by the way: I'm well aware of many of the countless ways my life will change.)
I'm unable to concentrate. I have to get out some of these thoughts and feelings.
I've been listening to a lot of music lately, and I even made a playlist on Spotify of songs for resistance, for rising up and staying strong. One of these songs is called "Here's to the State of Mississippi," by Phil Ochs.
Phil was a "topical singer" as opposed to a protest singer and I think he saw himself as a journalist. He wrote songs about Medgar Evers ("Too Many Martyrs"), the assassination of John F. Kennedy (The Crucifixion"), immigrant workers ("Bracero"), and the murder of Kitty Genovese ("Outside of a Small Circle of Friends.") Anyone who knows me will recognize my sense of humor in his. The word often used is "sardonic."
I listened to "Here's to the State of Mississippi" again about ten minutes ago and I cried. This song came out in 1965. Let that sink in: 1965. That's 18 years before I was born. My father was a 22 year-old college student and my mother was 17, one year away from graduating from high school. Humans would not walk on the moon for another four years.
I'm posting the lyrics here, copyright Phil Ochs and whoever owns the rights to his songs.
But really, what has changed? Let's go verse by verse:
The State
Racism exists in every state, in every city. You most likely know someone who believes something that is racist. This is a part of human nature that is unlikely to disappear. The key is to recognize it, to admit to it, to identify it. Do not let it stand. If someone says something you consider to be racist, for God's sake, SAY SOMETHING. Best case, that person has no idea that what they said was racist. Worse case, you'll get into an argument. It would be irresponsible of me to claim that as the worst case after the horrifying and brutal stabbings in Portland on May 26, 2017. Standing up can get you killed. That makes it even more important for all of us to stand up, to rise up. WHITE PEOPLE: TALK TO RACIST WHITE PEOPLE AND TELL THEM THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Now is the time to have a talk with your racist friends and relatives - like AK Representative Don Young ("It was a different time, that's why it's okay for me to say 'wetback.'"); with that friend who tells racist jokes ("Oh don't be so sensitive!"), and with racist strangers who look to you for support when they try to put people down - and tell them that those words and actions are not acceptable, and that they never have been.
The People
Ugh. Quite a basket of deplorables appeared over the weekend, and have been appearing with more regularity since November 8. Thankfully some consequences have also appeared, consequences that would have been impossible 50 years ago: job losses and public humiliation were not faced by white men who committed racial crimes in 1960s South. (One could argue that this is still true today. See below.) I keep waiting for someone to defend these "fine young men" by asking the public to not condemn them because they are "good kids." You know, like in rape culture. (See Brock Turner, every single time an accuser is more harshly questioned and condemned than the attacker, etc.)
But we (Americans) are less complacent about racism, less accepting of this kind of incendiary behavior. I have to believe this. I have to believe that the majority of my fellow Americans would stand with me against racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, Islamophobia, classism, ageism, all of it. I respect the right to free speech, and I respect that you have the right to your opinion. But when your speech and your opinion threaten the rights and lives of my fellow humans, you can be damn sure I'll disagree. Loudly, and with more information and historical context than you ever wanted. This is our test: many people in our country's history have failed. We can't.
The Schools
How many of you had to look up Medgar Evers? How about Emmett Till, James Chaney, Michael Schwerner, James Goodman? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, per se, but if you don't recognize those names, but you do recognize Stonewall Jackson, Nathan Bedford Forrest or David Duke, maybe you should.
A pet peeve of mine is historical inaccuracy. Obviously not everyone can be perfectly correct about history all the time. However the Confederate flag plastered all over the South is a square version of the second flag of the Confederate Navy from 1863-65. The Confederacy was such a mess that they had three official flags, none of which are seen today (Though to be fair, the last two did incorporate the recognizable design.) This seems a minor quibble, but how many of you knew that? Do you think the people waving and defending it do?
Why are people so scared of history and learning? Somewhere along the way being informed and seen as smart became a bad thing, a nerdy, elitist thing. There is a terrifying glorification of ignorance in this country where being smart is not as good as being loud, a devaluing of education. I say this as someone who dropped out of college and took an extra year to graduate from high school. I've never had straight A's in my life. School sometimes sucks (scientific term) but learning is so important. I'm afraid that's being lost.
The Cops and the Judges
In no particular order:
Philando Castile, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Freddie Gray, Alton Sterling, Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner.
And you know what our president has said to police officers? "Don't be too nice."
What did he have to say about a sheriff (in Arizona, you know the one) who treated prisoners unconstitutionally according to a federal ruling and conducted racial profiling according to the U.S. DOJ? "He's a great American patriot."
Our country has a severe problem with institutional racism in our police force and our prison system.
Once my brother (who is more tan than me, but not by much: we are very pasty white people) was driving home in Miami, FL. His neighborhood bordered a neighborhood called Overtown, which any Miami resident will tell you is a scary place. Ted was driving his BMW and was pulled over by police, who probably assumed a white kid driving a BMW in Overtown had drugs on him. He wasn't even asked to leave his car. At no point was he handcuffed or restrained. Now, my brother doesn't do drugs. Ever. So they found nothing. They kept him there for an hour while they (the police) desperately searched for an explanation as to why they pulled him over. Eventually they cited him for not having a Florida license and for an obscured registration tag.
At no point was my brother in danger from the cops. My parents don't have to worry about us dealing with the police because we are white. If we committed any crimes, they would not have to worry about us being unfairly judged and sentenced because of our skin color. It is an unfair, unjust privilege we have that has gone on for far too long in this country. Black Lives Matter.
The Government and the Laws
Our Congress in 2017 has a party majority, with the president a member of that same party and they still can't get important things done. At least in 1965 the Civil Rights Act had been pushed through the year before and the Voting Rights Act was passed. Our current Congress is pitiful, crippled by a ridiculous unwillingness to cross party lines and actually govern (Mitch McConnell, I'm looking at you.) Governing is the point of being a member of Congress, not getting reelected, you assholes. And being elected means serving your constituents, including the ones who didn't vote for you, because democracy.
The Churches
So, I work for a church. My church experiences are overwhelmingly positive, as my church is accepting and progressive. My experiences of God are of a parent, focusing on love and support. I hate that there are people out there who have not had this. I hate that there are people that I know who have felt betrayed or cast out by their church. I hate that there are people out there who are so hung up on their truth that they can't see any other interpretation, i.e. Jesus was NOT white. Jesus did not look like me, or most of the members of my church. Here's more: the Bible was not written by people who looked like me. The people in the Bible did not look like me. It doesn't change anything Jesus ever said or did. His messages are pretty universal: you can find them in every major religion, and top of the list is do unto others what you would have done to you. Would you want to be denied a welcome because of the color of your skin? Then don't do that to anyone. Simple.
Not enough has changed. We have to fix it. For our sake, or our children's sakes. We can't allow this song to be so bloody relevant in fifty years. I have no call to action or suggestions other than to stand. To rise up and protect and defend and educate yourself and others.
I'm unable to concentrate. I have to get out some of these thoughts and feelings.
I've been listening to a lot of music lately, and I even made a playlist on Spotify of songs for resistance, for rising up and staying strong. One of these songs is called "Here's to the State of Mississippi," by Phil Ochs.
Phil was a "topical singer" as opposed to a protest singer and I think he saw himself as a journalist. He wrote songs about Medgar Evers ("Too Many Martyrs"), the assassination of John F. Kennedy (The Crucifixion"), immigrant workers ("Bracero"), and the murder of Kitty Genovese ("Outside of a Small Circle of Friends.") Anyone who knows me will recognize my sense of humor in his. The word often used is "sardonic."
I listened to "Here's to the State of Mississippi" again about ten minutes ago and I cried. This song came out in 1965. Let that sink in: 1965. That's 18 years before I was born. My father was a 22 year-old college student and my mother was 17, one year away from graduating from high school. Humans would not walk on the moon for another four years.
I'm posting the lyrics here, copyright Phil Ochs and whoever owns the rights to his songs.
Here's to the state of Mississippi,
For underneath her borders, the devil draws no lines,
If you drag her muddy river, nameless bodies you will find.
Oh the fat trees of the forest have hid a thousand crimes,
the calender is lyin' when it reads the present time.
Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
And here's to the people of Mississippi,
Who say the folks up north, they just don't understand,
And they tremble in their shadows at the thunder of the Klan.
The sweating of their souls can't wash the blood from off their hands.
They smile and shrug their shoulders at the murder of a man.
Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
And here's to the schools of Mississippi,
Where they're teaching all the children that they don't have to care,
All the rudiments of hatred are present everywhere.
And every single classroom is a factory of despair.
There's nobody learning such a foreign word as fair.
Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
And here's to the cops of Mississippi,
They're chewing their tobacco as they lock the prison door.
Their bellies bounce inside them when they knock you to the floor,
No they don't like taking prisoners in their private little war.
Behind their broken badges there are murderers and more.
Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
And here's to the judges of Mississippi,
Who wear the robe of honor as they crawl into the court.
They're guarding all the bastions of their phony legal fort.
Oh, justice is a stranger when the prisoners report,
When the black man stands accused the trial is always short.
Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
And here's to the government of Mississippi.
In the swamp of their bureaucracy they're always bogging down,
And criminals are posing as the mayors of the towns,
And they hope that no one sees the sights and no one hears the sounds,
And the speeches of the governor are the ravings of a clown.
Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
And here's to the laws of Mississippi.
Congressmen will gather in a circus of delay,
While the Constitution is drowning in an ocean of decay.
Unwed mothers should be sterilized, I've even heard them say.
Yes, corruption can be classic in the Mississippi way.
Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
And here's to the churches of Mississippi,
Where the cross, once made of silver, now is caked with rust,
And the Sunday morning sermons pander to their lust.
The fallen face of Jesus is choking in the dust.
Heaven only knows in which God they can trust.
Oh, here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Mississippi find yourself another country to be part of!
Has anything changed? And yes, this song specifically mentions Mississippi, but it's an indictment of the entire Southern United States, and indeed American racism, which is unfortunately country-wide. But really, what has changed? Let's go verse by verse:
The State
Racism exists in every state, in every city. You most likely know someone who believes something that is racist. This is a part of human nature that is unlikely to disappear. The key is to recognize it, to admit to it, to identify it. Do not let it stand. If someone says something you consider to be racist, for God's sake, SAY SOMETHING. Best case, that person has no idea that what they said was racist. Worse case, you'll get into an argument. It would be irresponsible of me to claim that as the worst case after the horrifying and brutal stabbings in Portland on May 26, 2017. Standing up can get you killed. That makes it even more important for all of us to stand up, to rise up. WHITE PEOPLE: TALK TO RACIST WHITE PEOPLE AND TELL THEM THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Now is the time to have a talk with your racist friends and relatives - like AK Representative Don Young ("It was a different time, that's why it's okay for me to say 'wetback.'"); with that friend who tells racist jokes ("Oh don't be so sensitive!"), and with racist strangers who look to you for support when they try to put people down - and tell them that those words and actions are not acceptable, and that they never have been.
The People
Ugh. Quite a basket of deplorables appeared over the weekend, and have been appearing with more regularity since November 8. Thankfully some consequences have also appeared, consequences that would have been impossible 50 years ago: job losses and public humiliation were not faced by white men who committed racial crimes in 1960s South. (One could argue that this is still true today. See below.) I keep waiting for someone to defend these "fine young men" by asking the public to not condemn them because they are "good kids." You know, like in rape culture. (See Brock Turner, every single time an accuser is more harshly questioned and condemned than the attacker, etc.)
But we (Americans) are less complacent about racism, less accepting of this kind of incendiary behavior. I have to believe this. I have to believe that the majority of my fellow Americans would stand with me against racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, Islamophobia, classism, ageism, all of it. I respect the right to free speech, and I respect that you have the right to your opinion. But when your speech and your opinion threaten the rights and lives of my fellow humans, you can be damn sure I'll disagree. Loudly, and with more information and historical context than you ever wanted. This is our test: many people in our country's history have failed. We can't.
The Schools
How many of you had to look up Medgar Evers? How about Emmett Till, James Chaney, Michael Schwerner, James Goodman? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, per se, but if you don't recognize those names, but you do recognize Stonewall Jackson, Nathan Bedford Forrest or David Duke, maybe you should.
A pet peeve of mine is historical inaccuracy. Obviously not everyone can be perfectly correct about history all the time. However the Confederate flag plastered all over the South is a square version of the second flag of the Confederate Navy from 1863-65. The Confederacy was such a mess that they had three official flags, none of which are seen today (Though to be fair, the last two did incorporate the recognizable design.) This seems a minor quibble, but how many of you knew that? Do you think the people waving and defending it do?
Why are people so scared of history and learning? Somewhere along the way being informed and seen as smart became a bad thing, a nerdy, elitist thing. There is a terrifying glorification of ignorance in this country where being smart is not as good as being loud, a devaluing of education. I say this as someone who dropped out of college and took an extra year to graduate from high school. I've never had straight A's in my life. School sometimes sucks (scientific term) but learning is so important. I'm afraid that's being lost.
The Cops and the Judges
In no particular order:
Philando Castile, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Freddie Gray, Alton Sterling, Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner.
And you know what our president has said to police officers? "Don't be too nice."
What did he have to say about a sheriff (in Arizona, you know the one) who treated prisoners unconstitutionally according to a federal ruling and conducted racial profiling according to the U.S. DOJ? "He's a great American patriot."
Our country has a severe problem with institutional racism in our police force and our prison system.
Once my brother (who is more tan than me, but not by much: we are very pasty white people) was driving home in Miami, FL. His neighborhood bordered a neighborhood called Overtown, which any Miami resident will tell you is a scary place. Ted was driving his BMW and was pulled over by police, who probably assumed a white kid driving a BMW in Overtown had drugs on him. He wasn't even asked to leave his car. At no point was he handcuffed or restrained. Now, my brother doesn't do drugs. Ever. So they found nothing. They kept him there for an hour while they (the police) desperately searched for an explanation as to why they pulled him over. Eventually they cited him for not having a Florida license and for an obscured registration tag.
At no point was my brother in danger from the cops. My parents don't have to worry about us dealing with the police because we are white. If we committed any crimes, they would not have to worry about us being unfairly judged and sentenced because of our skin color. It is an unfair, unjust privilege we have that has gone on for far too long in this country. Black Lives Matter.
The Government and the Laws
Our Congress in 2017 has a party majority, with the president a member of that same party and they still can't get important things done. At least in 1965 the Civil Rights Act had been pushed through the year before and the Voting Rights Act was passed. Our current Congress is pitiful, crippled by a ridiculous unwillingness to cross party lines and actually govern (Mitch McConnell, I'm looking at you.) Governing is the point of being a member of Congress, not getting reelected, you assholes. And being elected means serving your constituents, including the ones who didn't vote for you, because democracy.
The Churches
So, I work for a church. My church experiences are overwhelmingly positive, as my church is accepting and progressive. My experiences of God are of a parent, focusing on love and support. I hate that there are people out there who have not had this. I hate that there are people that I know who have felt betrayed or cast out by their church. I hate that there are people out there who are so hung up on their truth that they can't see any other interpretation, i.e. Jesus was NOT white. Jesus did not look like me, or most of the members of my church. Here's more: the Bible was not written by people who looked like me. The people in the Bible did not look like me. It doesn't change anything Jesus ever said or did. His messages are pretty universal: you can find them in every major religion, and top of the list is do unto others what you would have done to you. Would you want to be denied a welcome because of the color of your skin? Then don't do that to anyone. Simple.
Not enough has changed. We have to fix it. For our sake, or our children's sakes. We can't allow this song to be so bloody relevant in fifty years. I have no call to action or suggestions other than to stand. To rise up and protect and defend and educate yourself and others.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Cannot and will not stand.
The transgender people I know are some of the most civic-minded community activists I've ever met. They fight for everyone's rights because they've had to fight for their own, and they don't back down from those fights. They stand proudly as who they are: human beings who care about other human beings. They are very strong people because they have faced hate and despair and rejection and they are still standing.
The president and current majority government are none of these things. The president won the election NINE MONTHS ago, and he is still complaining about not winning the popular vote and alleging massive voter fraud, even though he won. He regularly insults and belittles his fellow citizens and colleagues. He appears to believe that the laws of this country don't apply to him.
Many of the current majority government claim to be compassionate Christians while they plot to remove health care from millions of their constituents, including veterans. They twist religious texts to suit their purposes. They refuse to scrutinize and reform military spending as an alternative to cutting health care while giving tax cuts to the rich. Many of them seem to care more about being reelected and having the (financial) support of major industries to actually governing.
I support lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer rights. I support our troops and veterans. I cannot support this president and his hateful and dismissive words. I am thankful that one of my senators is willing to stand up to him. I do not support my other senator or my representative and I look forward to voting against them.
As you know, I am almost 8 months pregnant with my first child. I am not afraid of childbirth or caring for a baby. In my most doubting, worried moments, I am afraid that I will not succeed in raising a compassionate, civic-minded person who can recognize and do the right thing. A person who will not be fooled by bullying rhetoric or blinded by financial success. A person not at all like this president or current majority government. A person like my transgender friends.
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